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The
State of Grace Document
By Maureen K. McCarthy
Contact: maureenkmccarthy@mindspring.com • 828.693.0802
2021 Greenville Hwy., Flat Rock, NC 28731
My realtor, Ed, cultivated a friendship with a realtor in a neighboring city after trading leads and family stories over a three-year period, talking only by phone. Recently Ed found himself in a car accident when someone ran a stop sign. He and the other man got out of their cars screaming and swearing at one another. When they calmed down enough to exchange insurance information, he realized it was his friend and colleague of three years whom he had never met in person. Both men went white and simultaneously apologized and claimed total responsibility for the accident.
Do you realize how tragically we’re out of a state of grace with each other?
That story so clearly illustrates how enveloped we are in our culture of mistrust. Rather than trusting the other person’s intent, we’ve learned first to assume a stance of power or defensiveness in order to protect ourselves, initiating a downward spiral. Yet the better we know one another, the more care we demonstrate. We applaud those who protect themselves and seek those who offer protection. Our foundations, both business and personal, such as legal contracts and employee manuals, which are seen as tools to avoid difficulty, actually start with the premise “I believe you just might screw me, so I need to protect myself.” Then we wonder why our business situations erupt, our spouse seems distant, we dread going to work, or our friend and business colleague stops calling. Our culture of mistrust is so pervasive, we don’t even recognize the degree to which it influences our daily interactions.
Relationships do need to change and even end at times, and unfortunately we label that as failure. We need to create new foundations built on trust in order to more gracefully navigate the rough spots, rather than crossing our fingers at the start of a relationship, and hoping it will meet our expectations. Our society tends only to address a situation when it becomes negative. We focus a great deal of energy on fixing what’s broken, rather than creating better groundwork.
The State of Grace Document book is about The State of Grace Document concept that is being used in both business and personal venues. It is a 2-4 page, personal and explicit document designed and created in unison by those in the relationship — at the beginning of the relationship, while things are still going smoothly. It is a radical new foundation that replaces the legal contracts our society insists we use to legitimize our relationships. Have you bought a house/car, started a business, new job, gotten married without one lately?
More importantly, the very act of creating a State of Grace Document can almost ensure you never have to use it. It dramatically alters the path of the day to day relationship. When we agree to trust one another at the start, learn up front what does and doesn’t work for one another, create an atmosphere that allows for vulnerability, and pay attention to signs along the way, we tend to avoid difficulties and shorten transition periods. Legal contracts solely address our situations, State of Grace Documents address the story of the people, how they interact, their intentions, and the situation.
General Description
There is a new way to build, sustain and transition relationships with honor and grace and it is called the State of Grace Document. It takes into consideration each individual involved in the relationship, their personal preferences, their expectations as well as the nature of the relationship, be it between colleagues, employee and manager, partners, husband and wife, landlord and tenant, client and supplier, or any other relationship situation that exists.
The State of Grace Document consists of:
I am offering a very simple, practical, yet very personal and tailor-made tool. It is currently being used in corporations, small businesses, non-profits, churches, families and schools, between couples etc. When I spoke at an International Peace and Conflict Resolution Conference in St. Petersburg, Russia the concept easily crossed all cultural and language boundaries among the 57 countries represented. It’s an idea whose time has come and people are writing me from all over the world to learn more.
The State of Grace Document provides an alternative method of negotiating the ups and downs of our relationships compared with other options available currently in our society. For several years I’ve been working with BP (British Petroleum) in the U.K. They were very open to creating new foundations including The State of Grace Document. After several months, I saw how their decision to place a state of grace as their top priority affected the company. BP was involved in a highly expensive, four-year lawsuit with a man fighting a zoning change forcing him to sell his land to accommodate an oil platform safety procedure. The lawyers involved asked the leadership team to refrain from any contact with the plaintiff, even though he had repeatedly requested it. Yet somewhere in their hearts, now that they were seeing business from a different perspective, they knew it was wrong to remain out of a state of grace with this man. So two men from the leadership team asked this man to lunch. They genuinely apologized for the agony he was caused and acknowledged how difficult it must have been to sell his land. Over the course of their meeting, they learned the man was only looking for a personal response from a very large, impersonal corporation. A few short hours later the entire lawsuit was dropped.
Rather than relying on the legal system to protect us from the pain or take control and sort it out after it’s occurred, we need a less antagonistic, more sacred path through the unavoidable transitions that ultimately take place in life, marriage or business or friendship alike. This path, which is accomplished by creating a State of Grace Document, is a better alternative than succumbing to a succession of raw endings that acutely affect our relationships going forward; business or personal.
The State of Grace Document gives us an opening to say to someone, “For some reason things feel a little off kilter with us right now. What’s going on?” We can stop running away, blaming outside influences or waiting till it negatively erupts, and get straight to the point. The State of Grace Document has an agreed upon premise that we ultimately want to be at peace within ourselves and with the other person, even as we address areas that aren’t so pretty to look at.
It’s time to raise awareness to a new approach, giving people an option other than the on-going pain of transition. Current literature on the topic of relationships most often addresses our need to find that perfect relationship and then moves on to approach what to do when it’s already in turmoil or has ended. In reality what we do at the beginning shapes the ending and our endings shape our next beginnings. The beauty of the State of Grace Document is that it provides a way to create a solid foundation at the beginning of a relationship that then sustains us through the middle and into the transition phases with grace and dignity. It truly changes the destiny of the relationship.
The
Creator -
Maureen K. McCarthy
Maureen K. McCarthy is an international management consultant, keynote speaker and senior executive coach whose business focus is on engaging the soul at work, which ultimately results in increased profits and performance.
Maureen is founder and principle of Engaging the Soul @ Work, a business consultancy based in Chicago, North Carolina and the U.K. She has worked across the US, Canada and Europe with numerous individuals and corporations.
Maureen is a gifted communicator of foundational thoughts, feelings, and ideas. She is able to combine visual, verbal, and spiritual expressions into beautiful, clear, living translations of core concepts and ideas. When Maureen communicates, people get it. At the center of who they are. Maureen is an experienced Open Space Technology and World Café facilitator and uses these extensively in her work to access large scale change.
With degrees in journalism and public speaking from the University of Florida and a background in art from the Art Institute of Chicago, Maureen has had the training and experience to not only write this book, but speak to it as well, which is an enormous selling point for the book. She has a compelling grasp of the power of storytelling in her speaking style and is known for encouraging even the largest keynote audience to their feet to participate. At once, she speaks from the head and from the heart to make transitional, belief-shifting moments possible for others. She stirs people’s senses.
She has worked with such companies as BP, The World Relief Organization, Fast Company Magazine, Shell Oil, University of Chicago Graduate School of Business, Schering-Plough, Abbott Laboratories, Ford Motor Company, Ameritech and the U.K. Government Sector.
Maureen’s life’s calling has led her to work with corporations, organizations, and individuals to create more inspiring work environments. She attains this by working within the scope of an individual’s whole life rather than purely work life. In doing so, she has realized the degree to which people are out of a state of grace with one another personally and professionally. Getting both into alignment is critical for the success of the person as well as the organization. Maureen inspires everyone she comes into contact with because she lives what she believes.
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